We are on the same day of the week but different days in our lives.
Maybe you are deeply in love. Maybe you are extremely happy. Maybe you are extremely lonely. Maybe you are struggling to do the “obvious” like lift your head off the pillow. Maybe you are bleeding so much inside that you doubt if you will make it to the next day. Maybe you are feeling lost and confused. Maybe you are feeling burdened by life and everyone in yours.
I have a message for you….
If you are deeply in love…
You deserve it. You waited for him/her and you found him/her. Your body deserves those tender touches. Your soul deserves to feel at home. Your mind deserves the peace it has. You deserve that large space in someone’s heart. You deserve to be the cause of joy for someone. You deserve all the happiness in the world. You deserve to be looked kindly, to feel your heart leap whenever you see their name pop on your phone. That smile looks good on you. That skin glow should be your permanent appearance.
If you are lonely….
I love how you have admitted to be lonely. Why? It shows you understand YOU. Why? Because loneliness is an longing that many people talk so little of. They cast it aside and plaster their faces with fake smiles. Many see it as a taboo that they should be ashamed of for being unable to cater for ourselves. Many see it as a weakness. But you don’t. You see it for what it is; an emotion and lack of something. Loneliness is nothing to be ashamed of. Some days we are like flowers in need of sunshine so we can blossom and show our beauty. In others, we are like the sunshine in need of flowers to shine upon and show what we have done or can do with our powers on earth. So for today, ask YOU what is missing. How deep does the loneliness go? What can you do about it? Have some private time with YOU and listen.
If you are struggling to do the ‘obvious’ like lift your head off the pillow….
I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the weight on your shoulders. I’m sorry that it is weighing you down. I know you have fought so much to get this far. I know you are starting to feel as if you are the weak one; that no matter how much you brace yourself, you are always thrown to the ground knees first. I know you are starting to doubt your strength because you are always caught in the storm, always being swirled around, always losing your breath. But you are not weak for feeling the weight on your shoulders. You are not weak if the weight crushed you a little. You are not weak for getting tired while trying to shake the weight off your skin. You are not lazy for taking the time off work to heal yourself. You are not lazy if the much you can do today is open your eyes and stare at the ceiling. Save yourself beautiful soul. Fight those negative thoughts that dare tell that that is all there is in life.
If you are bleeding so much inside and wonder whether you will make it to the next day,
YOU WILL MAKE IT TO THE NEXT DAY & THE ONE AFTER THAT. Why? Because if it is not yet time, it is not yet time. You will live to the end of your time. The bleeding will continue for a while. Some days it will be so much that you will think it is your end. Other days, the drops will be hardly visible. Some days you will feel like you have overcome the storm, and other times, you will feel like you are in the middle of it and the waves banging you from side to side, like the pain is starting. But the bleeding goes with the pain. Little by little, you get used to their absence. Little by little, you get used to being alone. Little by little, you get used to coming home to a silent house or dining alone. As the tears fall and the bleeding continues, the burden on you gets lighter.
If you are heartbroken….
I’m sorry. Sometimes love makes people stay, sometimes it doesn’t. People go to where they believe they will get what they want/need. Sometimes it is for the best. Sometimes it is a mistake. I’m sorry if you tried your best and it didn’t work out.
I don’t know which stage you are in, but if the wound is fresh, it will hurt for a while, especially the first few days. You will be in denial for a while then you will start seeing the signs that it happened. That you broke up. That you have to spend a night alone. Maybe you will be preparing dinner and as you stretch to put another plate, it hits you that they are gone. Maybe it will be on a chilly night where you stretch for warmth and realize you are alone. Your mind will play tricks. You will hear the phone ringing and your heart will deceive you that it’s them. Then adrenaline will force you to run full sprint. Then you will be hit by disappointment that it’s not them. You will wonder if they are hurting as you do. You will wait for an apology. Maybe it will come. Maybe it won’t.
But in spite of it all, your heart will heal and your mind at rest. Mend the pieces one by one and give it time. It will go back to its beautiful home and then you will find something else to live for. You will find something else to look towards; maybe it will be a job, a hobby, a friend, a new place, a new lover, or yourself. Maybe you will fall in love again. Maybe you will be fearful…. but your heart won’t always hurt.
If you have been feeling lost and confused….
That’s normal. But you can’t let that be your way of life. You can’t let lost and confused be your excuse for everything. Listen to your inner child. Talk to your god.
If you are grieving…
I’m sorry because this hurts more than anything. But the person will be looking at you. You will feel their presence everywhere. Some days you will miss this person so so much and it will hurt like hell. Some days you will be at peace, knowing you shared some time with them.
But you won’t find a replacement for them. The person will always be your friend, brother, sister, mother, father, child, uncle, aunt, or anything. You won’t find anyone to beat them in their game. You won’t make memories that will make you the ones you spent together irrelevant or enough to wipe out their name from your mind. No one will be able to take up the space that they took in your heart. No one will make you feel the way they did. The last time together will always be the last time together and it will become what you value most. You will always remember that feeling when they mentioned your name. You will remember their names and be drawn by the things they liked. You will carry them with you wherever you go. You will always think about them and sometimes rehearse the words you would have told them. You will always make scenarios in your head of how things would be different if you were together.
But a time will come and it won’t hurt as much. Your heart, though broken, will be able to welcome others to it.