This is for anyone who has been trying so hard to move on but hasn’t been able to. For anyone who has been fighting certain feelings for ages. For anyone who is still surrounded by shadows that have been around for ages. For anyone who is still mourning a loss that happened years ago as if it just started happening. This is for someone out there who is bleeding all over again. This is for anyone who hasn’t been able to forget what was done to him or her. For anyone who doesn’t know how to explain why he/she is still sad, still not over it, or hasn’t been able to let go out of the past.
Will it always be like that? No.
Will you always feel burdened? No.
Will you always be trying to survive? No.
Does it get better? Yes.
When will the weight fall off your shoulders? I don’t know. But every day you wake up and fight, every day you tell yourself that it’s just a phase, every time you reassure yourself that the cloud is passing, every day you let the tears instead of bottling everything inside, every day you breath, every day you tell yourself that your knees are getting stronger, and good things are coming the weight is falling. Like breadcrumbs, it is detaching itself from your beautiful soul and tender heart.
I’ll tell you what, sometimes, some days, it is worse. And maybe today is one of those days. Sometimes it hurts more than it did when you were hurt. Sometimes the head spins so fast that you might think your time is coming to an end. Sometimes the skin feels like it is on fire. Some days you just can’t stop crying or looking over your shoulder thinking that it is happening all over again. Sometimes insecurities get hold of you so tightly. Some days you curse the world and question God’s love because you can’t really understand why it had to happen to you. Or why it has to hurt the way it does. …because some wounds take long to heal. Some wounds become part of our identity and the reason we do what we do and in the way we do them.
Some days are easy, so easy that even the sight of similar situations doesn’t make you sad. The memories don’t cause bleeding. You just flip the pages and compliment yourself for walking through it all. You talk about the encounters like a burger you ate and forgot about. Those days are coming. Every vein that was sheared off is finding its way back to its place.
Don’t beat yourself for mourning again, for crying again, for being fearful again. That is you fighting for your life with your life. That is you trying to run even though your lungs have been punctured and your knees injured.
Some days it hurts so much. Some days it doesn’t hurt at all.
Keep fighting. Keep fighting. Keep fighting.